$93.00 sick day

now playing: action news

rain, rain...is apparently coming again another day.

i put a couple of major projects to bed today, somehow, amidst playing the superiority complex game with my boss this afternoon and trying to placate some folks who should, by all accounts, be capable of self-placation by now.

i also had a long conversation with blake about music and our mutual history...and found out that he was, in fact, thinking about calling me to join aunt pat a good solid four years ago.

coulda, shoulda, woulda.

i've gotten a couple of great emails from friends about the recent thoughts i posted regarding writing and self-perception and such...i think that strikes an empathetic chord with my friends who find themselves in the same boat, simply because i think the act of participating in creativity invokes a lot of self-doubt and self-criticism and questioning...julia cameron has been a great place to go for perspective for me, but i've historically had a hard time applying her perspective to my reality...it seems to come down to individual efforts that either shine or don't, really. i've never been able to do the whole "morning pages" thing. mornings are not my friend. mornings do not offer me clarity or perspective. mornings are a blur of dread and lethargy and general limpness. the only thing i accomplish in the mornings is managing to center myself over the rails and prepare for the coal to warm up enough to get me down the tracks.

my day off yesterday, incidentally, cost me almost a hundred bucks, as a result of not depositing a check that would've covered withdrawals that ended up hitting a day early, racking up $93.00 in overage charges.

see, this is what i get for giving myself permission to feel like shit, instead of buckin' up and dealing with it and carryin' on.

so, those of you who are constantly chortling that i'm pushing myself too hard - be prepared to revisit this moment next time you start giving me shit.

i just might hold my hand out if you nag my ass too much.