sex with cars

now playing: the bee gees, "how deep is your love"


earlier this week, someone asked me how the van was running, and my reply was, "fine, so far...right now it's lulling me back into a false sense of security so it can fuck me again."

well, to put it bluntly, if you see me glowing tomorrow, you'll know what happened.


we left it in the parking lot tonight - wendy picked dylan up and we went out for dinner, and i had them drop me off back at work so i could check on the backup, and i'd drive home after i'd checked everything out.

so i came back in, switched the tapes, and went outside to start 'er up, and there it still sits.


stranger than usual tonight is the fact that when you turn it over, it will actually start - but then belts start whining and it starts gradually sputtering...and the minute you touch the accelerator, whether lightly or all the way to the floor, it shuts itself off.


so this weekend, i'm putting about a dozen guitars and various and sundry other items up for sale on eBay and we're gonna remedy this fucking problem once and for all. i had hoped that it would hold out another two months, since it's due for inspection in april and i could probably get a couple more bucks for it with an '06 sticker on it...at this point, though, i'm not sure if it's worth what i'll get for it in trade for the satisfaction i'll get from taking a fucking sledgehammer to it when it's been replaced.


funny moment on the way back from dinner...


somehow, dylan had miscontstrued the meaning of bar mitzvah via some rumors he'd heard from his friends, and he was under the impression that jewish boys were circumcised when they were 13 years old as part of the mitzvah process.

as wendy was explaining to him what the real deal was, i chimed in and told him that i had to circumcise myself - i immediately had his attention.

"huh?"


"yeah, man...i was hiking in the mountains, and this huge boulder fell right on my foreskin. i was trapped, and i couldn't move, and i had to choose between circumcising myself and going for help or dying in the wilderness with my foreskin trapped beneath that huge boulder."

wendy had, by now, chimed in and started trying to discredit my story....

"where were you ever hiking in the mountains?"

"the grand tetons, man. hey, look...if you don't believe me, i can take you there. it's still there, under that big-assed boulder. i can show it to you."

i kept going..."that took some serious courage on my part, man....it's not every man that can take a bowie knife to their constant companion like that. it was one of the defining moments of my life. seriously."


of course, i had nothing to say by that point that should've been taken seriously...


anyway, wendy is coming back to bail me out...i had walked across the street to catch the bus, and was standing inside the foyer, waiting for it to stop outside, and the sonofabitch didn't even slow down! the other guy who drives the route earlier sits and waits for riders, but this jackass was obviously in a hurry to get back.

i'll be making a phone call on monday morning about that asshole...because i'm sure i'll be no less fired up then than i am now, considering i'll probably be taking the bus then, too.


then i can try my hand at some verbal circumcision.


my mom's birthday is in less than a minute....